Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Grateful

I have been thinking about doing this post for a long time and I would feel very ungrateful if I didn't post it so, here goes.
June 21, 2002 was a HORRIFIC, awful, terrible day from hell. It was the day we got in our car accident and my mom passed away. I honestly didn't think that I would have another day that would even come close to comparing to that. Boy was I wrong. February 9, 2012 was my worst nightmare. And now, sits right next to June 21, 2002 on the list of Natalie's worst days ever. The call I got that morning shattered my world, and forever changed my life. I still get physically sick when I think about receiving that news. I wanted to disappear into thin air right then and there. This couldn't be real, this couldn't be happening to me. But it is so very real, and it did happen to me, and I am still living this nightmare...and the worst part? There is nothing I can do to change it.
Now, the part of the story where I feel so grateful. I feel grateful for the people in my life. The angels that are in my life that have truly carried me through this. Ever since that day, I have had immense support that hasn't stopped.
First, I want to thank my roommates. I am so blessed to live with such amazing girls who are truly my good friends. I especially want to thank Kyndra. I think she is the first person who heard me sobbing. She came into my room and asked if everything was okay. As soon as I told her, she grabbed my phone, called my dad and told him he needed to get here. She called my boss and told her I wouldn't be at work. She sat with me until my dad got there even though she was supposed to be at work. Also, a huge thank you to Hollie, who also sat with and comforted me.
Next, my family. My dad came straight to my apartment and so did Brooke. My dad and Susie have spent countless hours comforting me and helping me through this. As soon as Kristi got the call, she packed a bag and within 15 minutes, she and her family were on their way from St. George. Kristi had a 6 page paper due on Saturday and a 10 page paper do on Monday but she stayed at my dad's all weekend. She drove back to St. George on Sunday and then flew into SLC on Tuesday morning for the funeral. Talk about an incredible sister. Brooke and Brandon came with me to the mortuary and were there for support when I saw Tanner for the first time. Brooke has had me over for dinner, given me rides all around town, and just listens to me when I'm having a bad day. Again, incredible sister. My sweet, sweet grandparents came to my dad's the day it happened. Few things are as comforting as being in my grandma's arms. They also came to the funeral, which meant so much. And, so did my Aunt Sharon. I will be forever grateful to those who came.
My best friends are amazing! Maria left school as soon as she could and came to my apartment to just sit with me. She spent late nights at my dad's house, came to the viewing and stayed with me throughout the whole thing, drove me to the funeral, and also spent that whole day with me and took me home. I honestly don't know what I would have done without her! She also kept my spirits up as much as possible with her fun personality and great sense of humor :). When I called Lexi on Thursday morning to tell her what had happened, and that I needed her to come to my dad's, she didn't ask any questions...she jumped in her car and drove right to my dad's house to be with me. She came to the viewing and funeral as well. She let me invade her house and let me wallow there for a few days. I can expect a text from her every day, at about the same time, asking how that day is. Mallory and Cortney, who both came to the viewing/funeral. I don't think people really understand how much it means to have that kind of support. But to me, it meant the world and I will be forever grateful to those who came. When my mom passed away, one of my friend's, Jordan Jeppesen, came with his mom to her funeral. To this day I still remember that act of kindness and I will never forget it. I don't think he knew how much that meant to me and still does. Thank you to Liz and Karley, for their numerous phone calls and text messages just to let me know they are here for me. And thank you to Karley for driving up to spend the weekend with me when I really needed her.
And last, but certainly not least...The Adams family. Words cannot express the love and admiration I have for this family. Not only are they some of the strongest people I know, but also some of the most genuine. I loved them from day one and always wanted to be a part of their family...to spend the holidays with them, to go on family vacations, even just to share the last name "Adams". However, they will always be family to me and they have treated me as nothing less. Tanner once said to me, "Just remember, you'll never find a mother-in law that will love you as much as Cindy." And he's probably right. :) I'm so grateful for her, she is definitely one of my angels and has kept me going on the days that I want to give up. I feel a little piece of Tanner every time I get a bear hug from her. Like Maria said, "Tanner has your mom in heaven and you have his mom here on earth." How true that is and how blessed I am for that. The whole family's strength is inspiring to me. I would never wish any of this upon anyone but if I have to go through this, I'm grateful that is with an amazing family like the Adams. I truly know that Heavenly Father (and I'm sure my mom had a hand in it as well) blessed me with them. I know Tanner would be so proud of all of them. I love that family more than they will ever know!
Thank you to everyone who came to visit me, called me, wrote me a card, texted me, sent me flowers, prayed for me, sent a Facebook message, or even commented on this blog. I was overwhelmed with the love and support that was shown to me. I heard from people who I hadn't heard from in years. It is so nice to know that people care.
So again, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU to everyone who has helped me and showed me support. You have all helped make this trial a little more bearable and it means more than you'll ever know.

12 comments:

  1. Natalie, you are my definition of strong. I honestly think of the trials you have been given and my heart hurts for you. I want you to know that you have been in my prayers. I look up to you so much! God WILL bless you with comfort.

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  2. I just want to say that you have got to be one of the strongest people I have ever known. Even though I haven't seen you in forever, you have been such a great person to look up to. Despite all the hard times you have gone through, I think you shine like a beacon in all the dark and hard times you have had to go through. I still remember to this day (goodness, it may have been the last time I saw you) I saw you in Walmart and you came running up to me saying how you heard I was engaged and you wanted to see my ring and were so excited for me. I don't know if you remember that, but I just want to let you know that I remember that, but that particular day I wasn't having such a great day and after that you made my day so much better. I know it's been forever, but if you ever need a friend to catch up with, just know I'm here for you, and am still thinking of you and praying for you. Keep standing strong cause you truly are example to everyone. :)

    -Chauntelle Crockett

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  3. Oh Natalie! What a sweet post. I'm glad you have had people around you to lift and carry you. They were probably assigned and prompted by someone special. I ache for you, hate welcoming you to the club you never wanted to join. Much love,
    Kirsten

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  4. Natalie, you're amazing. I know I don't know you too well, but my thoughts and prayers are with you always. :) You will get through this and you will become stronger for it--and it's nice to have family and friends on your side for support when you need it. It's obvious that you are a great person who has made so many friends who can easily be there to support you. It's also great that you know you have people who love you. And it's true.

    If you need anything, I'm here.

    -Lauren Wells

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  5. Hey Nat,

    I just wanted to write something... although words don't come easy expressing something like this. I didn't even know about your latest loss until Allyce Jones told me last week. I was shocked. My first reaction was... “Why… she’s already been through so much!?” The Lord has most definitely given you enough trials to last a lifetime and then some. However – I want you to know – that, that life full of trial and pain (and the amazingly strong young woman, and now woman, who so strongly has bore them), is a testament to me of our Fathers ultimate and eternal love. You are truly a daughter of the most High, and He has prepared you for an incredible future in which you will bless the lives of hundreds/thousands. I know this because I see it… I feel it… you are it. Thank you for being an example of what true faith in the Lord looks like when baring severe trials. Thank you for always showing sweet kindness to me. Thank you for the gift that is YOU!

    A “life motto” of sorts for me over the last 5 years as I’ve went through some tough times is… “Press forward with steadfast faith in Christ… take it one day at a time… and when it just gets too hard to stand, kneel”. I pray for our Father and Saviors arms of love to wrap around you and help you to continue to press forward as the AMAZING daughter of God you are!

    Lots of love and admiration,

    Patrick Risk

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  6. i don't know you very well, but I'm definitely moved. You are amazing and have such a strong spirit! Thanks for your example of hope and faith. I know that the Lord will hold you in times like this. xoxo

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  7. That was beautiful. I am so glad that you shared that with all of us. You are such a strong girl. I can't imagine what you have been going through, but I want you to know that I have been thinking of you and hoping the very best for you. I love the part about your sister, They are so amazing and I am so glad you have them. Just know I am thinking of you. Love ya, Bre

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  8. What a moving thing to read. I hope you know how incredibly beautiful and inspirational you are, and how great your reach and influence in this world is. I'm so deeply sorry for your losses.

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  9. I love you so much my cute Natalie! I know you are grown up now but in my mind you will always be that young girl at Bear Lake that summer! Trying to just stay afloat when the whole world came crashing down! I am sure that is how you feel now and I am so very sorry you are having to live through such pain again. You are truly an amazing person with a tender spirit that is so rare. I am glad you have such great people around you to help you at this sad time in your life. I know you are trying your hardest to keep smiling because that is just you!!! Love you, Suzette

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  10. I want you to know that I've been praying for you since I found out. I know it's been forever, but I've always considered you one of the best friends of my life. I love you Nat. You are wonderful.

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  11. You have always been a great example to me of grace,kindness, and strength! Thank you for your continued example! Prayers continue coming your way!

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